I Made Only One Inappropriate Comment At The Ritz

Today, my grandmother took my aunt, cousins, and me to the Sarasota Ritz Carlton for afternoon tea. I was nervous because I am a social klutz and my grandmother is very, very formal. I wasn't as bad as I'd thought I'd be. The sandwiches were the most delicious I've ever had. Here's a quick one we can all make:

Slice of smoked salmon
Herb farmer's cheese (creamy)
Mini
pumpernickel
bagel

Wrap the salmon into a tower on the cheesed bagel slice, garnish with caviar, and lean the other bagel slice jauntily against the rest. When you want to eat it, slap the top bagel slice above it all, squeeze, and bite.

Anyway, I clanged the china loudly only once, dropped some food on my chin only once, and made only one tacky comment! "Did you see the collagen in that woman's lips?" Which went over like a led balloon. Well, the woman had left the building, and she was one of several aged trophy wives with trendy enormous lips roaming the building. Oh, and you know the term "putting on the Ritz?" Obsolete. Tons of people walking around wearing only a sheer shirt over bikinis, sweats, jeans, flip flops. Sigh. Where is it okay to be fancy anymore?

If you do not like tea but want to go to the Ritz, you can have a Mani-tini, Pedi-tini, or both. It's a mani/pedi at the Ritz spa with a free martini. Mani/Pedi + alcohol = genius.